you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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