I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
