I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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