Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
