this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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