forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
