Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
