I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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