I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
