I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
