You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
