pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
