So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just pynch a tree in the face
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
