woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
