I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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