Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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