you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
