tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
