he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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