Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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