i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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