May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think I am morally bankrupt
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
