Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
