I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
