yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
