i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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