My nipple is on Facebook.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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