Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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