its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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