I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Come on in and take your pants off
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