well you can't waste a boner
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i've created a new STD.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
