A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
