I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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