That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize