so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
