have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
