My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
