why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
