my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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