my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
