just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
