i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
