her facebook's as public as her vagina
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
