why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
