Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
