Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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