Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
