You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I am midnight drunk by noon
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
