This is not my ceiling
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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