dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize