I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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