You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
