They should really pass out barf bags in church
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
