We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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