my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
