lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
