Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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