another moral hangover. fuck.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
