do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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