Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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