You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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