When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
