I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
