Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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