my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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