We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
