sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
