East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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