do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
