I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
